pour une femme?

aimer.

pour une petite fille?

aimer.

pour un enfant?

aimer.

pretty good advice in my eyes.

i got blown off today. shows how much bears REALLY care.

maybe i'll someday be lonely again, but why should i wake up til then?

feeling: lonely listening to: "padam," édith piaf

..and i'm about to finish writing a college recommendation information sheet and then go to octets recording for the second day in a row. hurrah for free time!

rediscovered the weepies; their album "hideaway" is phenomenal and lovely. my favorite songs right now are "orbiting," "antarctica," and "how you survived the war." i listened to the whole cd walking in the rain to school yesterday and it was so pretty and sad...

i found a kindred miyazaki spirit the other day, and i was beyond thrilled. :-) i love when that happens. but all he's seen is totoro, so that will need to be fixed very soon. he's alex's best friend so that's another good sign.

new book: "the history of love," by nicole krauss. jonathan safran foer's wife. of course. mike febs is now a kindred spirit as well.

i knew i loved anne of green gables.

listening to: "how you survived the war," the weepies

calm down
deep breaths
and get yourself dressed instead
of running around
and pulling on your threads
and breaking yourself up
if it's a broken part replace it
if it's a broken arm then brace it
if it's a broken heart then face it
and hold your own
know your name
and go your own way
and everything will be fine
***
hang on
help is on the way
and stay strong
i'm doing everything
hold your own
know your name
and go your own way
and everything will be fine
everything are the details in the fabric
are the things that make you panic
are your thoughts results of static cling
are the things that make you blow
hell no reason go on and scream
if you're shocked it's just the fault of faulty manufacturing
everything will be fine
everything in no time at all
everything
hold your own
know your name
and go your own way
all the details in the fabric
are the things that make you panic
are your thoughts results of static cling
is your brother nature's sewing machine
are the things that make you blow
hell no reason go on and scream
if you're shocked it's just the fault of faulty manufacturing
everything will be fine
everything in no time at all
hearts will hold
***
i love you, buddy, ok? bye

.


.


.


here we go again, i guess. take the jump . . .

feeling: indescribable listening to: "details in the fabric," jason mraz and james morrison

a cold gives me a REALLY SEXY voice.

REEEEALLY sexy.

:-)

feeling: impatient listening to: "drops of jupiter," train

i cannot say enough good about this musical! i saw it in new york at the eugene o'neill theatre and i didn't see those two in the picture, johnny b. wright and gideon glick, but they're both amazing and this scene might be my favorite one. instead i saw blake daniel as ernst and the sexy and talented matt doyle as hanschen. not that the other 3 aren't also sexy and talented, but two are gay and one is taken. so i'm sticking with matt.

i have the soundtrack and the wall paper and i'm fast becoming morbidly obsessed. the music is wonderful: alternative sounding rock in the 1800s in germany, written by duncan sheik and steven sater. my favorite girl voice has to be lauren pritchard, followed closely by lilli cooper (who's a senior in high school!!), and the guys are all incredible singers so i gravitate towards the attractive ones. remy zaken is hilarious, phoebe strole seems like still untapped talent from nyu's cap 21, and lea michele is a perfect wendla though i can't say i am particular to her or to jonathan groff...they are great in their parts though! don't get me wrong.

definitely love the boy-on-boy action best though. i adore jonathan bradford wright. from afar. i think my favorite songs are "word of your body reprise," "touch me," and "the song of purple summer"...oh, and "totally fucked." "my junk" is really cute too and i definitely identify with it. that's the greatest part about this musical: the juxtaposition of oppression from the inside and freedom on the inside, of youth and conformity, germany and rock, makes this story completely timeless and applicable to teenagers all over the place. this is truly a musical that defines and shows off our generation, and i absolutely love it.

"touch me—
just like that
and that, oh yeah,
now that's heaven
now that i like
god that's so nice
now lower down
where the figs lie"

i also really like hanschen/ernst fanfiction, and i'm going to try my hand at writing it once i find a community i can post it to...so sweet, and so hot! those cheekbones. those eyes.

***

on the other hand, i have ap us history in 2 days, i have a really not fun cold, and my throat hurts. and i didn't go to school today so i have quadruple homework of everything, and also am super stressed about college and sats. but spring awakening helps me a little, just to think about where i could have been born and what i can someday be. and how we should arrange and sing purple summer next year...

i love my puking star icon :-)

feeling: sick listening to: "touch me," spring awakening cast

1. get through this weekend alive

2. be a good girl and only look at pictures...

3. do well on sat iis

4. don't kill anyone in rehearsal tomorrow

5. write a killer creative writing story

6. stop driving people away

7. sleep. right now

feeling: distressed listening to: "teardrops on my guitar," taylor swift

she better hold him tight
give him all her love
look in those beautiful eyes
and know she's lucky cause—

surprise song....?

feeling: depressed listening to: "before he cheats," carrie underwood

this promises to be a funfilled vacation i would say...going to new york city with taylor and her mom :-) to look at colleges/go shopping a lot and go out to eat, and go see spring awakening on broadway!! yippee!!! also i got tickets for us to go see john mayer this summer which is very very exciting, i haven't been to a concert in a while. this summer feels so close by with all the beautiful weather we've been having, and it's scary that it's our last summer as real high schoolers before all the college craziness sets in . . . it's definitely a summer to enjoy and not to stress through, although starting college apps is hardly unstressful.

we just started "bills, bills, bills" in octets and it was such a great rehearsal, it's going to be so much fun to perform...i can't wait for our final concert! next year is going to be crazy especially since ms. quintana resigned...

lorraine's show was phenomenal and one of the greatest experiences i've ever had, my professional debut :-) it reminded me why i dance, how much i love to perform...it is nice to have that brought up again right before i go look at places to spend 4 years of my life.

i need some new music that reflects late spring in winchester, before the breezy carefree sunset with cuddling feeling of summer gets here and it's still bittersweet...i like tristan prettyman and missy higgins but i feel a little too girly pop sellout while listening to them...

feeling: chipper listening to: "madly," tristan prettyman

never and never my girl riding far and near
in the land of the hearthstone tales and spelled asleep

you're dancing easily through my dreams

if you were falling
then i would catch you
you need a light
i'll find a match
cause i love the way you say good morning
and you take me the way i am

***

...so what do we do, now that we're...happy?

listening to: "the way i am," ingrid michaelson

just a random resolution:
no more self-deprecation. stop telling myself what i should and shouldn't do, just get over it and realize that maybe i need to just accept emotions and not necessarily channel them into every aspect of life—just accept them, without fighting them and letting them explode. instead of bottling things up, letting them out sporadically, and then doing things i regret, i think i need to just remember that i'm not the only overly emotional girl out there, and also i am getting my period and there are tons of other people with weight problems and legitimate issues...i just need to find a balance between hating myself and hating everyone else. yes, i suck and the world sucks sometimes, but i need to just get in touch with what i love about myself and about the world when that happens instead of succumbing to paralyzing awkwardness and insecurity.

despite being soaked to the bone recently, i enjoyed the best kiss i've had in almost a year, and newsies is now one of my favorite musicals (thank you madeline).

and i'm free
like the wind
like i'm gonna live foreva
***
i need space
not just air
let them laugh in my face
i don't care
say the place
i'll be there
***
headlines don't sell papes. newsies sell papes.

i'm not sayin you should . . . care . . . but—do ya?

christian bale is so dreamy in that movie, and now he's older and a creepy batman guy. but he's adorable in that movie...why does everyone have to grow up?

reading: the secret garden (spring), ap textbook (work), le petit prince (french/children), the madonnas of leningrad (critwrit)

feeling: pensive listening to: "santa fe," newsies